Going once, going twice? I'll pass...

Today there was a large group of convicts that came through our shop as they were being transported on a couple of Army helicopters to a prison in Juneau. Obviously this got our attention and was a nice discussion topic for a while. As we watched these people walk by with their hands and feet chained, we each had different reactions. What struck me is that even though I didn't know any of these people and am generally oriented toward justice, I felt a great deal of compassion for them as they had to walk through our shop. I was mentioning this to one of the guys and after he gave me a funny lecture about how these people all deserved to pay their time, he stated with great authority, " There's no room for your big heart in a shop like this! You can take them a bottle of water and make them sandwiches on your own time, but leave your big heart at home!" Certainly he was mostly joking, but it contrasted quite comically with something else that he said to me only yesterday, "You need to grow some big kahoonas for this job." So it got me thinking... I guess there's a bit of truth that in order to really hack it in this field I'd need to trade my big heart for some big kahoonas. More importantly, I think that's what I've really been struggling with the last few weeks. I've been quiet for a while in large part because I've been working through some different thoughts and I haven't been quite able to figure out how to express them all. I hope to be able to share much of these recent revelations in future posts, but for now this anecdote will have to suffice. It's kind of funny that I was so enthusiastic in my last post. All of what I said there is still entirely true, but I have faced some serious frustration in the last weeks and I've really had to reflect on what I'm doing here, on why I'm a mechanic, and on what's next, and when what's next will be for that matter. I still don't have any answers. I do, however, take comfort in one thing. I know that I am exactly where God brought me and He that knows all the answers. I do have one answer for you though... I happen to be pretty fond of my big heart and wouldn't trade it for anything :-)