A Homecoming... of sorts

This morning I woke up craving the word. This was both a profound and exhilarating experience. It's been a long time since I've been in a place where I genuinely craved God's word. It reminded me how distant I have been from God over the last several years. And it reminded me of his faithfulness to draw me back to himself and to welcome me enthusiastically with his outstretched arms.

It also caused me to reflect again on something that God laid on my heart over the last month. As the new year rolled around and I was considering the past year and what's to come, I realized that my summation of both 2012 and 2013 was that they were pretty miserable years. I found this discouraging because when 2012 proved to be less than ideal, I set myself up to believe that 2013 was going to be my year. And then as 2013 was wrapping up, it was anything but what I had anticipated and hoped it would be.

When I moved back to this place I was sure that I was following God's plan. I had every confidence that this is where God was leading me and that it would prove to be a good move. I knew everything wouldn't be just as it had been when I left, but I believed I would be welcomed home by a rich community of friends and that I would effortlessly connect into either of two churches that I considered to be home churches.

But the transition back didn't go quite like that. In fact, those "home" churches weren't home anymore. I couldn't find my place and I struggled to understand why. I didn't fall seamlessly back into place in the relationships I once had. I found myself feeling alone. And wayward. And I was being stripped bare of every hope and expectation I might have come here holding.

But my God is patient and faithful and persistent. As we entered this new year he brought me to a place where I was ready to see what he was doing in my life. He brought me back to this town to remind me who I was before I left, before I turned my back to him. He allowed me to live through yet another drought-filled year so that I might again crave his living waters. In his perfect time he placed me right in the community he had for me. And when I sought him, he revealed himself to me.

"O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens... When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?" ~Psalm 8:1, 3

Hello, My Name Is Child of the One True King

Life hasn't *exactly* turned out the way I had expected it to.  In fact, life hasn't turned out even remotely how I might have ever imagined.  I think I may have covered that very fact about a year ago.  God had started working on me then, and he brought me to this place.  Unfortunately I think it's fair to say that I let my reality get the better of me over the last year rather than using it to draw near to him.  A frequent thought that overwhelmed my mind, particularly in the later months of 2013, was "it just doesn't matter."  I found myself so isolated from any community I had ever had in my life that I was able to exist with no accountability whatsoever and I couldn't figure out how I had gotten to that point. 

For so long I had lived with purpose and with drive.  I had passion that consumed me with a desire to serve this great God that had redeemed my desolate heart and I ached for others to know that same redemption.  I was willing to go anywhere, to do anything, and to love whomever God placed in my path.  And during all that time, I felt as though I experienced God in such tangible ways.  There are so many instances in my life when I remember vividly knowing what God had for me, understanding God's direction and will through my time in His word and in prayer.  I made bold moves across the country without a second thought knowing and trusting that God was leading the way and had a plan.  And each time he remained faithful.

I don't believe the time spent between point A and point B is that important to drudge through, but suffice it to say that my heart had been hardened to God.  I still believed to the depths of my soul, but I was angry, frustrated and disappointed.  I had unmet expectations and God wasn't bending to my every whim.  But God is patient with us.  And persistent.  He brought me to this place.  He stripped me naked of everything I knew to be true of myself and everything I was finding my identity in.  I honestly can't tell you a specific course of events or point you to the time when he won me over, but God has wooed me back to himself and for the first time in a lot of years, I feel like myself again.  

And it feels good.

  

Tell Your Story: I'm Still Here

I'm moving tomorrow.

More accurately, I've been in the throws of moving for several weeks now, but this week in particular has been a whirlwind of activity... 

planning 

packing 

job searching 

cover letter writing

interviewing {woot!!}

errand running

cleaning

and just generally feeling incredibly overwhelmed.

a little snapshot into my chaos.
 i'm trying to figure out everything i'll need in
the next three months and collect it in this pile.

In the midst of my chaos I came across more of the previously discussed notes that bump around my house for years.  These ones happened to only be a few months old and were notes from church.

This summer our pastor asked us to consider what we might say if we were introducing God to one of our friends as if He was essentially just another friend.  Not unlike how I might introduce one of you to another friend of mine, only in this scenario I'd be introducing you to my friend, God.  And then telling you a bit about Him.  So, if you stopped by my place in the midst of my chaos and I introduced you to my friend, God, this is what I might say...

"God is the greatest love of my life.  Even when I struggle, when I wander, when I put myself first, God is pursuing me, loving me beyond anything I can fathom, offering me something better.  God is patient with me, teaching me His ways, how to live a better life, how to accomplish the things He has for me. 

God is my Father, my daddy.  I am His beloved daughter, a princess.

God is my provider.

God is my guide, my leader, my teacher.

God is good and He never changes.

God is consistent, reliable, ever-present, patient.

God is my pursuer, the lover of my soul."

Good reminders in the midst of chaos and change, friends.  Good reminders.

P.S.  Now seems like a great opportunity to mention what a phenomenal mother I have.  She traveled with me from South Dakota last Sunday and has been working, working, working to help me with this move.  I really don't know what I would have done without her here to help and I feel like it should be publicly noted how deeply grateful I am for her love, support, and assistance.  

I love you, mom!

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{I'm liking up with The Hollie Rogue for the weekly "Tell Your Story" link up}